Catholic Church Canonizes iPhone 5s

In an unprecedented traditional upturn by the Vatican, the Catholic church has canonized the first artificial intelligence device in history: the iPhone 5s. The Congregation for the Causes of Saints -the committee that oversees determinations of sainthood within the church- had the privilege of testing the beta versions of the sleek, newly released iPhone 5s approximately four weeks ahead of the general public.

The True Cost in Damages & How Much to Re-build Obamacare Website Now Coming Out - See more at: http://nationalreport.net/true-cost-damages-much-re-build-obamacare-website-now-coming/#sthash.yX6bkGO2.dpuf

By Nigel J. Covington III

Editor in Chief

<National Report> The $394,000,000 Obamacare website HealthCare.gov that the American people paid for is officially broken. Good thing Congress acted in the best interest of the American people by approving the new debt deal which has no debt ceiling and will not be re-negotiated again until February. That’s three months of having the most free-wheeling big spending president in history handing out blank checks signed by the American people.

Arkansas Department of Education to Approve Text Book That Defines Gays as New Species - See more at: http://nationalreport.net/arkansas-department-education-approve-text-book-defines-gays-new-species/#sthash.jYFsCa57.dpuf

<NationalReport>Little Rock, AR-The Department of Education in Little Rock, Arkansas announced today that they would be approving a new high school level biology textbook that includes a new species on the tree of life: Homo homosexualis. Department of Education officials stated that the reclassification was simply driven by the definition of a species. The Board of Education issued the following statement about the decision:

The Assam Rape Festival In India Begins This Week

Assam, INDIA — Men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the annual Assam Rape Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16 will have the chance to flee to safety or get raped.

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10 Scientific Tips For Raising Happy Kids

There are many ways to raise happy, well-adjusted kids, but science has a few tips for making sure they turn out okay. From keeping it fun to letting them leave the nest, here are 10 research-based tips for good parenting.

Photos: Behind The Scenes At Dbanj’s New Video Shoot On Location In Cape Town

Dbanj is working on a new video right now, and is shooting in Cape Town, South Africa. The song he’s shooting the video for is unknown right now, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon.